10 Keys to Sexual Connection
How to start a conversation about your sexual needs and wants with your partner or Sexy Keys to Connection
As a relationship therapist, I have encountered couples who can discuss many sensitive topics with one another but have difficulty talking about sex . A client told me recently: “ we’ve been together for 15 years but we never talk about sex”. Why is this the case? Historically sex is still a taboo subject for many in the US even now.
So…do you want to be more playful in bed but don’t know how to talk to your partner about this? Do you want more variety in the bedroom, but feel fearful to verbalize that to him/her?… Or you have good sex, but you want to make it FABULOUS? Want to spice up your relationship, but not sure what might be his response? Want to be touched, caressed, stimulated differently, but don’t know how to apppoach the subject? Then keep reading to get 10 specific Keys to Sexual Connection.
For starters, make sure, it’s the right/good time to talk to your sexual partner about sex and changes/improvements you would like to have to feel more connected.
Key #1 Ask if it’s a good time.
Key #2 Tell him in 1 sentence your main subject of the dialogue: “I would like to talk to you about my sexual preferences/fantasies/needs…is it a good time? Try to do it outside of the bedroom and NOT during the intercourse (not to frustrate, distract him, and ruin the mood (it happens to some)).
Key#3 Don’t do it during sex
Key #4 Talk about what would you like to get more of, don’t say what you don’t like him doing .
Key#5 Use some of these sense stems that I developed to open the conversation about great sex:
1) I feel most erotic when you…
2) I feel more aroused by you when…
3) I feel most open in sex when I…/when you…
4) It turns me on when you…/ when I
5) What I want you to know about my sexuality…
6) During foreplay I like/enjoy…
7) I would like to be touched by you (how/where)…
KEY #6 Ask your partner to share his preferences with you also, as it helps to be clear about some sexual desires and nuances you both might have assumed about each other, but may be have never openly talked about it. It will also show you how well you sexually know your partner.
Key #7 Don’t assume anything about the sexual relationship (or any relationship with the other ). What most men like- your current partner might not particularly enjoy and vise versa. Always ask and verify/clarify with the partner. Tastes differ.
Key #8 Tell him how much you would like to try all what you learned from that dialogue with the partner and how much you are looking forward to have special sexy time with him in the near future to experiment with all those tips.
Key#9 Remember to compliment him on every new behavior/sexy technique you’ve expressed/requested –when he actually implements it in real life. If you enjoyed it- say it out loud that! You’ll get more of what you want, if you let him feel good about himself and his skills as a lover!
Key #10 if you want to learn more about how to improve your seduction skills, sexual assertiveness, expressiveness, if you have more questions about yours or his sexuality, if you want to continue this dialogue- please, reach youth to me for a Skype or office consultation for yourself or your couple. I practice in Hoboken and NYC.
Certified couples and sex therapist, Nataliya Rusetskaya, LCSW
